she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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