Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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