you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
