bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
