He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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