how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
