He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
