Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
