everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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