I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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