made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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