I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
