I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
