I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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