mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
