I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
