Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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