I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
