I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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