Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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