why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
His hands were made for my vagina.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
