You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Panties = found
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
