apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
