3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
