you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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