Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
