She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
