just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
