Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
