You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
