Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
