I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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