AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
