Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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