Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
