i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
