Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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