He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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