I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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