we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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