Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
