i used baking grease as lip gloss
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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