if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
