I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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