So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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