R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
