there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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