It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
