hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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