i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
