just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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