Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
