its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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