i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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