New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
