I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
not ubering you a puppy
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
