Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
