So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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