I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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