I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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