It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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