sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
