idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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