I think i sorta joined a cult last night
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
this will be a night to untag.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
