oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
