He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i've created a new STD.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
