we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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