shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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