I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
