I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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