one two three fourrrrnication!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
