I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
