I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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