after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
