i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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