we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well I just put wine in my tea
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
