Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize